Fear of Love

I am in the midst of writing for a worship album. It may not be recognized as such, but that is my heart. I struggle over and over with worship music that never quite get's to the the core of God's love...His people. That is, the exact people He loves and how he loves them. The Psalms are full of testimony concerning God's faithfulness to individuals and communities, the oppressed and the desperate. It is all worship though because it is the response to His love. I see God's hope and faithfulness in the midst of an AIDS epidemic, and so I wrote a single line, "He loves those with AIDS and His pain is their healing."

As I've been singing the song and working it out, I have been forced to confront something I did not expect. I am absolutely terrified of God's love. I am afraid of who He loves and how He loves them. God, no doubt, loves people I am afraid of, and that kind of love I don't understand. It's as if I've gotten very comfortable with my one perspective of Him, and stretching myself in worship, with just this one line, that touches people in the world right now, is shattering something inside me. It has left me thinking deeply about reasons I approach God with shallow words and actions all of the time. I think I am genuinely afraid of love that would really transform me. Surely their will be great pain and dying involved, and there will definitely be no turning back.